If you read the last post you know I was dealing with a lot of stuff last week. Things are better this week and I am starting to see things a bit more clearly. I cancelled my e-Harmony account (I know…after everything I said about them…Yes I did join and I did pay) because I don’t think I am in the proper mind space to actively search for a partner. My heart still aches and I don’t know what else to do about that but hope that time will dull the pain of loneliness.That being said, one of my non-resolutions this year is to be more of a bitch. By that I simply mean that I resolve to stand up for myself more often. Instead of allowing myself to be lead down a path I know will make me unhappy I will say NO.
For instance, the guy from the last post (yeah the one I have fallen for) and I had made plans to drive to Ottawa and Montreal for a few days. When I realized how much it would cost I bailed. I just don’t have that kind of money right now to pay for a trip like that. I thought everything was settled until he offered to pay for the hotel for the weekend. When I asked why he was being so generous he said that his friends had already planned for his visit and he didn’t want to miss out. I suggested that he could still go on his own. He responded that he needed someone to drive him, that’s why he offered. Not because he wanted to spend the weekend with me…NO. It was because he would have someone to drive him around. The funny thing is when he said that I realized that that someone didn’t have to be me (insert driver name here because we are all interchangeable). How do I know that he won’t just ask one of his many female companions?
So NO, I won’t be driving anyone to Ottawa. It’s time for me to realize that I am a good person who deserves to have Love in my life. If it takes a millions years then so be it. I am done trying to attain love by doing things for people who could care less.
This I guess is my own little Love Revolution so bring it on!
The time has come to move forward.
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