The Young One – Part 2

So when we left our heroine (that’s me btw) she had just left her new young friend in the street after a marathon snogging session. The Young One and I had gone our separate ways and I really didn’t think I would hear from him again. I mean, what could I possibly have in common with someone 7 years younger than me? He is the same age as my little sister for god sake! So I was really surprised when I got a call two days after our first meeting.

It was around 10:30 on a Friday night and I was elbows deep in an accounting assignment when the phone rang. I didn’t recognize the voice on the phone until he said “hey, it’s the Young One”. I won’t lie… at that moment a jolt of excitement ran through my body because here was a man (well a boy really) calling as he had promised. That shit never happens to me. I usually get the, I’ll call you and then weeks go by before I hear anything from the guy in question. Here was someone who had said he would call and he was doing so. The excitement didn’t last…

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight?” said the Young One
“Sure, sounds good. What did you have in mind?” said our heroine
“Well, I’m hanging out with my buddies; smoking some weed and watching 300 if you want to join me” said the Young One
“Wow, well that sounds like a lot of fun but I think I’ll pass since my idea of a fun first date isn’t hanging out with you and your mates smoking pot.” said our heroine
“Oh, cool I guess I’ll talk to you later” said the Young One.
“Ok, Later” said our heroine as she hung up the phone.

Yeah, I know what you are thinking….wow, why did you turn down such a fantastic opportunity of a first date *side eye*

So I went back to working on my accounting assignment and thought oh well it was fun while it lasted. Then about 20 minutes later the phone rang again and it was the Young One.

“Hey, so I really want to see you tonight so I’m coming to pick you up in about 10 minutes” said the Young One
“Ummmm, crap ok…. I’ll try to be ready….what exactly are we doing” stuttered our heroine while running up the stairs.
“I don’t know, I figured we could drive around and figure something out” said Young One.
“Ok, cool. I’ll see you in 10 minutes” said our now breathless heroine.

So the second attempt at a first date went really well. The Young One drove me around the city and showed me places that I didn’t know existed. I love exploring cities and to be able to explore my own backyard by moonlight and star shine was amazing. I thought to myself that there was hope.

Wrong again.

Moving Forward...or at least trying to.

If you read the last post you know I was dealing with a lot of stuff last week. Things are better this week and I am starting to see things a bit more clearly. I cancelled my e-Harmony account (I know…after everything I said about them…Yes I did join and I did pay) because I don’t think I am in the proper mind space to actively search for a partner. My heart still aches and I don’t know what else to do about that but hope that time will dull the pain of loneliness.

That being said, one of my non-resolutions this year is to be more of a bitch. By that I simply mean that I resolve to stand up for myself more often. Instead of allowing myself to be lead down a path I know will make me unhappy I will say NO.

For instance, the guy from the last post (yeah the one I have fallen for) and I had made plans to drive to Ottawa and Montreal for a few days. When I realized how much it would cost I bailed. I just don’t have that kind of money right now to pay for a trip like that. I thought everything was settled until he offered to pay for the hotel for the weekend. When I asked why he was being so generous he said that his friends had already planned for his visit and he didn’t want to miss out. I suggested that he could still go on his own. He responded that he needed someone to drive him, that’s why he offered. Not because he wanted to spend the weekend with me…NO. It was because he would have someone to drive him around. The funny thing is when he said that I realized that that someone didn’t have to be me (insert driver name here because we are all interchangeable). How do I know that he won’t just ask one of his many female companions?

So NO, I won’t be driving anyone to Ottawa. It’s time for me to realize that I am a good person who deserves to have Love in my life. If it takes a millions years then so be it. I am done trying to attain love by doing things for people who could care less.

This I guess is my own little Love Revolution so bring it on!
The time has come to move forward.

This is How I felt Last Week

Do you ever just get really sad? The kind of sadness that can only be described as despair. The cry your eyes out for days until they burn when you wake up sadness. The standing in a pounding, hot shower at 3 am so nobody hears your sobs sadness… right now that’s how I feel. Empty. Alone. Sad.

It’s been 5 days since I gave up sugars, starches, and alcohol. Giving those things up at any point in my life would probably have lead to some type of minor breakdown (the give me a brownie before I go postal on your ass type of breakdown) but add to that mix the fact that I have my monthly (well really now it’s a bi-monthly but that’s another story) and that I realized that the guy I have somehow managed to fall for (even though I know he is a bad idea, and whom my friends have repeatedly told me is a bad idea) just doesn’t really care. We are friends and nothing more. I guess I’ve managed to fool myself into thinking that if I play the good friend (read: the person he uses when he needs a ride) that one day I will be more than just ‘the wind’. It’s never going to happen. And again I am hurt.

Never again. This bruised red and purple pulsing mass in my chest is spent. Wrung dry of the hope of love I have closed the door to my heart. Friendship seems to be where it’s at so that is where I shall stay. A friend to those who deserve it and foe to those who don’t.

Should I?

Earlier this week I was talking to my good friend Betty S. and she mentioned that she had a date with a guy she met on e-Harmony (seriously I hate the ads for this company!!!). We've talked in the past about how online dating tends to suck but this time she had some help filling out her profile and within minutes had matched up with someone who seemed nice and was quite cute. Her first date went well, and they were already planning a second date at the R.O.M (sure beats the hell out of my 'hey, wanna smoke pot and watch 300 with me and my buddies' first date offers).

So anyway, it got me thinking. Maybe I should give E-Harmony another chance. Maybe I just need help filling out my questionnaire so that it's a more honest representation of how people see me and how I really am.

The question now is do I really want to go through all of that work and effort to seek out another potential blog post (read: date)?

It is after all 2009, it could just be the year this online dating thing finally works for me.