The Young One

I’m starting to wonder if blogging only about past, present and future dates may not be a bit limiting. My days are filled with so many little struggles, triumphs and questions that sometimes I want to just write it all down. So this is kind of a disclaimer: There will be more blogs but they won’t all be about dating. If anyone has an issue please feel free to write me and tell me so. All feed back is appreciated as it helps me hone my writing skillz (that’s right….I spelled it with a Z. whatcha gon’ do ‘bout it?)

I haven’t blogged in a while because my next subject (read: next in the long line of guys I “hung out” with) is not that interesting. The situation just kind of fizzled out on it’s on this year and there isn’t a whole lot to say but I’ll give it a try.

When I first met the YoungOne I never imagined we would still be friends even to this day. I use the term friends very loosely because it’s kind of like a MySpace/Facebook only type of friendship. You know what I’m talking about right? You know so and so from some random place (the bar) or not so random place (the high school years you are trying to forget) and you add them because you at some point in your lives had a connection. That’s how it is with the YoungOne.

I’ll set the scene…the girls and I were at our usual spot drinking our usual fare and discussing, as girls do, what we find attractive in a guy. The girls were busting my balls because I have a thing for Gingers. I don’t know what it is about a guy with flaming red hair that sets my heart a flutter but 7.39 times out of 10 it always happens. So in walks the YoungOne, he’s a little shorter than me but he’s built like a hockey player with a drinking habit, stocky and solid but with a little bit of belly. It wasn’t his stunning physique that caught my eye, oh no….it was that slight hint of red in his otherwise golden hair. The girls could tell that I was smitten and were making a scene by elbowing me and cat calling…He notices that we are all staring at him as he walks by and he stops and smiles. I jokingly say “hey if you wanna make out meet me downstairs in 5 min” (leave me alone I was 2 or 3 pints in) He asked if I was serious and I said yeah why not? And he responded “Then why bother waiting 5 minutes, lets go now!” I had to laugh because he was so exuberant….so I did what I know you would have all done….I went downstairs. When I met him downstairs we ended up talking and that’s when I found out that he was 23, the same age as my youngest sister. He was cute, and funny, and eager…so basically everything a potential boyfriend should be. But his age bothered me. I mean what was I going to have in common with someone who was 7 years younger than me? I’ll tell you what…nothing. So I kissed him and thanked him for making my night and went back upstairs to the girls who were waiting with all sorts of questions. I gave them gory details and we left it alone. I thought that would be the end until I was leaving the bar and the YoungOne appeared and asked me if he could come home with me. Now, I’ll tell you that I have a very big rule; I don’t let new people know where I live. I have no desire to have people stalking me so when he asked I told him no way. He asked if he could walk me to my car and I agreed to that, more to get him off my case than anything else. So he walked me to my car and we talked for a little while and he again asked if he could follow me home. At this point I was thinking it was a little too much. I gain said no and he agreed it was probably a good idea for him to go home without involving me in his evil plans. He asked for my phone number and swore that he would call me within a few days for an actual date. I laughed because I’ve never been the girl that gets asked out on dates. I’m the ‘hey lets date the friend of a friend’ girl so the idea of an honest to goodness date was at that point laughable (keep in mind I hadn’t started my online dating site adventures). So we parted ways with a quick kiss and I thought to myself ‘I’ll never see him again’ but I did…

Don’t get too excited, the deal on the first date will come in the next blog. But rest assured it was the first date to end all first dates! The most amazing night of my life! I’m kidding…

Am I Crazy?!?!

It's almost midnight and I sitting in bed after a long day at work and I've done my ritual of going through Facebook, my emails, and www.youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com(check this site out if you want to laugh so hard your cry).

Now what do I do?

I know I'll probably end up watching the episodes of C.S.I. and Grey's Anatomy that I recorded on the DVR earlier but I wish I wasn't doing it alone. That's where all the stupid marketing on web pages gets me. It seems so innocent at first, sure I’ll check out what's going on here but off to the side, just in line with your peripheral vision is the dating website ad. It calls to you with promises of matches to be found.

“Look, Bob and Jenny-Sue met online 6 months ago and now they are happily married!”

**Yeah E-Harmony I'm calling you out, bastards that you are for making me want to sign up...Again. **

I think it's worse because it's Office-Christmas-Party/New-Years-Eve-Party time and we all know those events are MUCH more fun with a date. So I am feeling the temptation to break my no-online-dating-websites ever again rule.

For now I haven't given into temptation, but who knows...New Years is only 3 weeks away.

The Baconator Pt. 3: The End (sorry it's a long one)

All things come to an end...and this end was tough. So in the last post we left with me hanging on to what I thought was a great guy: The Baconator. At this point I was hoping that he would make good on my emotional investment in him. I had sacrificed a lot to hang out with him…not only my pride, but my savings account and time with my friends. The problem was that my friends hated him. For instance during the Grape & Wine festival, I invited the Baconator over to hang out for the day. It was going to be my first time venturing into the park for the event and I had made arrangements to have friends stop by for a few drinks. The Baconator proceeded to get so drunk that he puked on my phone (that’s right my PHONE, cleaning the gunk out of the keys was not fun) and then proceeded to be an ass to all of my friends that came by. My friends had told me he was an ass and I didn’t want to believe it. I defended him to the end…that was stupid. Long after our situation ended, I continued to hear stories from that night. Apparently he felt obligated in his drunkenness to tell my friends about our intimate details, to talk about how he liked to date teenage girls, and other sordid issues. Nobody told me until the end. Not that it really would have mattered at that point…I think I was in to deep to see past it.

Ok, back to the main story…sometimes I get off track remembering how stupid I was but all I can do is laugh now. So in the last post I had given the ultimatum “me or her” and he had promised that he would break up with her “soon”. Little did I know that soon wouldn’t be for another 2 months. Around Halloween we had decided to do our own thing, I would hang out with my friends at a few different parties and he would do the same. I didn’t think anything of it because I didn’t really like the people he would be hanging out with but was happy that we would spend time together later in the week. His big Halloween party night was a Wednesday and before he went out he called me to chat and sent pictures of his costume. He let it slip that his girlfriend, we'll call her Girlfriend#1 (yes the one he was breaking up with) had helped him with his make up…I was more than a little upset. I asked him why he was still hanging out with her if he was going to break up with her. He said he needed more time because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I again gave an ultimatum…end it. NOW. Nothing changed.

About a week later we were talking on the phone and I asked why he hadn’t ended this other relationship. His response was (and I quote): “I’m not sure which one of you I’m going to choose, because you are both so nice to me” I know what you are thinking…what the fuck?!?!?! So I screamed for a bit then said: “I’ll make it easy for you, I’m gone! You no longer have to make a choice….oh and I’m going to tell her that we have been together since August (thank god for Facebook). That’s when he got scared. Oh I couldn’t tell her anything because it wasn’t my story to tell…I’m involved so yes it is…oh I should let him tell her because it would be easier coming from him…so many excuses that I couldn’t be sure he ever would. So I told him I would give him a week to tell her and then I would follow up with a message of my own so that I would know she would get both sides of the story. Fair and square. So a week passed and then I get a text message that read “you have ruined my life. I’ve told her and she will never speak to me again. Good bye”

I didn’t know what to do, so I checked Facebook. He had blocked me. I checked MSN; he had blocked me there too. So I did what any self respecting person would do… I wrote the other woman a letter.

Now, I thought long and hard about what I would write. As women we always say that if my husband/boyfriend/significant other was cheating on me and people knew, I would hope somebody would tell me. This was harder, I wasn’t this girl’s friend and she didn’t even know who I was apart from being the Baconator’s “friend”. So should I write this letter or not? I did.

The letter detailed everything from the moment the Baconator came into my life to the moment I ended it. I included all the gory details so that she would know that it wasn’t just me. She needed to know that the only reason I was even in the picture was because I cared for him and he led me to believe he felt the same. At first there was no response and then I started to receive messages from Girlfriend#1’s friends. They thanked me for sending the letter (obviously she forwarded it to them, again gotta love Facebook) because they felt she needed to know the truth. You see her friends hated the Baconator as much as my friends did. And just like me she had ignored their pleading. I thought, at least I know she has read it, so I have done my part…I never expected to hear from her but I did. About 2 weeks after I sent my letter I received a response from Girfriend#1, she thanked me for writing and ended the letter saying she was sorry that we both had to find out the hard way that we had fallen for an asshole. I never heard from her again.

Now, I know what you are thinking…end of story. I did my part, the drama is over right? Not quite. The very end of the story comes with a late night phone call from the Baconator 2 months after everything was done. He called from work and asked if he could see me because he wanted to apologize. I agreed and we met at Tim Horton’s at 1am. I’ll never forget that night because the apology I received was worse than the whole finding out I was the other woman.

So picture it, we are sitting in the coffee shop, and I’m excited because I am expecting an apology and hoping that we can at least be friends. I didn’t miss the relationship part of hanging out with him, but I did miss the friend that I had spent so much time with. It’s hard when that person is always there and then they are just gone. His apology started with “I’m sorry I made you fall in love with me” my heart stopped because I could see this wasn’t what I was expecting…. So here is the apology in its totality.

“I’m sorry I made you fall in love with me. I don’t think I would have ever kissed you that first night if I wasn’t lonely and feeling sad because my best friend was leaving me forever. The only reason we were ever friends was because I didn’t want to be alone. So I’m sorry I lead you on. My doctor thinks I may have clinical depression and that is why I do such crappy things. I hope you can understand and forgive me.”

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? That’s an apology? I betrayed myself by crying in front of him because I couldn’t believe this was happening. I went home and cried some more and then I texted him: ‘I don’t think we should ever speak again, I don’t think I could ever trust you so please don’t ever contact me.’ His response was: ‘I could never be friends with you either because you betrayed MY trust”

Ok people, am I the only person who sees the irony in a two-timimging-double-faced-exra-patty-eating-broke-ass-mother-fucker telling me that he can’t trust me?

FUCK HIM and anyone else who ever makes you feel like you deserve less than the best. Learn from my mistakes...I still am.

The Baconator Pt. 2 - Being the other woman

I don’t even know where to start and where to end the Baconator story (it was a long ass 4 or 5 months). To tell you the truth I learned a lot about what I as a person am willing to put up with. I no longer speak to him and if I see him it causes a burning anger to spread through my soul. But. I thank him for teaching me that I can stand on my own two feet and say FUCK YOU, this is not right and I’m going to do something about it. Never be afraid of your gut instincts people. They are there for a reason.

As you may remember in Baconator Pt. 1 the evening ended with a kiss. I was stunned because that was the last thing I expected to get out of the Hootenanny that year. I merely wanted to go down, listen to music and hang out with my friends. That kiss changed the tone of the night. It had me thinking there was hope for a girl like me…Maybe, just maybe, it was actually possible to find a guy who wanted to spend time together as more than just friends. That was a joke. Officially we were never dating, we were just “hanging out”. That is a new term that irritates me to no end. I should have known that “hanging out” is Man-Code for ‘We’ll act like we are dating, but there won’t be any commitment so if something else comes up YOU can’t complain’. Fuckers…

So after the kiss I went home and at 3am I got a txt message from the Baconator saying how glad he was that we met. I thought WOW, this guy doesn’t waste any time but was secretly excited that he was showing attention, even though something was bugging me about the whole situation. I just couldn’t put my finger on it, so I shoved my worries to the back of my mind. From that point on we spent a lot of time together, he would come over for movie nights, or I would go visit him at work (he worked as a parking lot security guard) but he was never really emotionally available. His cell phone would always go off and he would quickly text back saying it was one of his buddies, or he would excuse himself and leave the room so I couldn’t hear the conversation. Each time my ‘something’s up’ feeling would return and I would push it back or ask if he was seeing someone else. He of course would say no and I would believe him.

In August things came to a head. He was driving Red to Calgary where she was starting a new life (Thank God) and then he would be driving back with his transvestite friend (he even showed me a picture) who lived out there but was coming to visit family in Niagara…or so he told me.

He was gone for a week and I missed him like crazy. He called or texted when he could but it never seemed like enough. When he returned I went to see him at work and I immediately felt that something was wrong. I asked him again if he was seeing someone and this time he said “well, kind of”. He explained that he had a girlfriend that he had been with since February (remember we met in July and it was now mid August) but that since he met me he had stopped being intimate with her as he could only see her as a friend…because he wanted me. I left and cried all the way home (it’s a good thing it’s literally a 2 minute drive to my house so I didn’t really need to pay attention). He called and I ignored it, he texted and I ignored it and then I gave in. I cared so much about him that I was willing to be the other woman for a while. I gave him an ultimatum. Tell her it’s over or I am gone. He agreed that this was fair and we continued to see each other with the understanding that he was going to end his relationship with her. But that day never came.

I know that people will judge me on my decsion and before I would have been right there with you. But it's hard to say what you will do when you are actually faced with those choices. Which path would you take? Loneliness makes people do strange things, and for me at that point in my life I was willing to be the other woman for a while if it meant I wouldn't have to be alone.

The third and final installment of The Baconator is coming, it's just hard trying to condense 4+ months into a few posts.

The Baconator Pt. 1

So I guess the best place to start is from the beginning. I started my dating career in earnest during the summer of 2007. Up until that point I had gotten involved with guys who I was friends with first. It always just seemed to work out that the guys I hung around with had friends who caught my eye and we would date. As I have gotten older those types of opportunities have dried up. Most of my friends are married or in long term relationship, and by extension they hang out with more married people. Kind of like in Bridget Jones’ Diary when she is the only Singleton at a Married Peoples dinner party. The dating game is just not the same after you hit 30.

My first real experience came in July of 2007 when I met up with some friends (again a long-term-relationship-type-couple) at one of the local bars for the Hotrod Hootenanny. Now, I look forward to the Hootenanny every year because I get to dress up, put on my dancing heels and spend time partying, listening to great music, and checking out the local talent (hot guys).

I had been at the party for about an hour laughing, and talking with my friends and meeting some great new people when “The Baconator”* (don’t worry, an explanation for the name is coming) offered to buy me a drink. I thought nothing of it because I had decided once again that being single and not worrying about guys was the easiest way to live. We spent the rest of the night talking, and although I thought he was cute I hadn’t thought past that. I knew he was there with a girl (we’ll call her Red) who didn’t like me and I figured they were an item. So I was surprised when at the end of the night he pulled me aside and asked for my phone number because he had to leave. I asked him if he was leaving because his girlfriend Red was ready to go and he said ‘No, she’s not my girlfriend, we are just best friends’. The events that followed that seemingly innocent conversation should have told me to cut my losses and run…but the Fates were asleep at the wheel and I proceeded to give him my number.

It was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer from the front lines…Just as he pulled out his cell phone and began to type my number, Red came around the corner swinging like a practiced batter and slapped The Baconator right in the face all the while screaming about what he thought he was doing and whose number was he taking down? I watched as he grabbed her hand mid-second swing and told her it was none of her business. She stormed off leaving, The Baconator, myself and a few bystanders stunned. I didn’t know what else to say but, ‘so I guess that’s your not girlfriend right?’ he apologized for the scene and again asked for my number. By this time I was intrigued so I gave up the digits in full and gave him a hug goodbye. That’s when he kissed me and I thought…this is going to be trouble.

More to come…

*The Baconator, is nicknamed so because on one of the many nights we hung out, he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat at Wendy’s where I thought he would be buying me a meal. Wrong. He ordered a Baconator sandwich with an extra meat patty, and extra bacon and then proceeded to ask me if I could pay because he didn’t have any cash. Seriously people what was I thinking?